Party night

I ended up going to the party last night - and I'm very glad I did. I wasn't going to drink, and for the first bit I did well. Then, of course, the hot dogs, marshmallows, chocolate, chips etc were brought out. I thought, okay, I'm losing if I eat and if I don't. Lose-lose situation. In the end, I ate more junk than I should have. I also drank more than I should have. But, this morning, to my dismay I was okay with it (not so ok with this morning's binge, but we're not talking about that).

I haven't been tipsy in a verrry long time. Thankfully, I'm one of those people who get more and more sober/somber the more I drink. Not in a depressive way, just in a control way. It's all good, but in my head I'm buzzing. A feeling I love, but I don't do often.

Anyways, long story short it was a good night.

This morning, as mentioned, a big binge. Gym later, we just bought a new trampoline too (though I'm not sure how many cals that burns, if any) but I look forward to using that. I weighed myself (compulsively) while at the house party last night - how rude is that! - and with a full stomach of junk and alcohol I weighed 140-ish. Hahaha, SO so so so so wrong. I laughed. I feel like a whale, like I'm back to 170.

I'm to the point where I'm done being depressed about it, I have other things to get mad over. I just want to get it done, however means necessary. I need to get back in control and back into the motions of losing weight and succeeding in life.

I'm also sorry to anyone I worried with my last post. It's bad, I know. It's been a long time. But that's no excuse. I'm not proud. But I'm not ashamed either.