Thursday, July 30, 2009

Flying through the Clouds


One of my favorite things about flying is the time you have. Maybe it's just me, but the feeling of suspension in the air, the marvel of being 40000 feet up in a metal-fibre-glass behemoth... it's so calming. It's like all time stops as you seemingly float through an endless expanse of white fluff, yet in the back of your mind you know you're speeding.

I didn't sleep most of the 5hour flight, maybe 40mins in total. I tried to read, but it was dark and the poor little girl beside me was so tired so I didn't want to turn on the light. Instead, I pulled out my notebook and drew... then started to write. Nothing in particular, just words and thoughts. Eventually, I started writing out some goals and motivations - obviously pertaining to my ednos mentality. Here is what I wrote:

(Thin)k goals
1. Gain nothing.
2. Lose 10ilbs before school.
3. Lose inches off thighs.
4. Get into a morning exercise/stretching routine.
5. Stop binging when bored and upset.
6. If you want a bagel, eat the bagel. You'll eat just as many calories trying to avoid it.
7. Find somewhere to post goals, inspo, reasons.
8. Take fashion, style, and modeling (see later in the post) seriously.
9. Reach ultimate goal of 120ilbs.
10. Do not cut. Do not purge.

Why?
Because
-Anytime I fail...
-Anytime I'm rejected...
-Anytime I'm left out...
-Anytime I remember I'm graduating...
-Anytime I remember I want to be valedictorian...
-Anytime I can't stand the pressure of perfection...
-Anytime I'm so busy I can't breathe...
-Anytime I stand on the scale...
-Anytime I ace that test...
-Anytime I take a step closer to success....
I have this.

Everyday I will start my day with:
One good thing -
On bad thing -
A really good thing -
Focus goal -
Big why -
Something to look forward to -

It's me self-medicating, but who knows, it might help.

I'm watching my aunt and mother unload groceries for tomorrow's big feast. Pop, chips, cake, burgers...oh, wait, there is some Fresca (best diet soda ever <3)... some fruit, veggies... tomorrow is gonna be hard. I did good today, max 600cals and half hour swimmin' around. Tomorrow will be really difficult, but there will be lots to do I hope, lots of food prep. I've promised myself that I'll go for a power-walk first thing tomorrow, and that'll wake me up and keep me motivated.

Anyways, on one last quick side note -I applied, on a whim of masochism, to a local photography agency who was in need of grade 12 models (I assume for something grad-eqsue) and they phoned back... I have an interview on Wednesday night. More motivation? It's scary, scary.

I also, in preparation for school and I guess now this crazy interview, I bought a fat cleanse system. Apparently it's super-effective and gentle... kind of wish I brought it now to get a head start, but it's only 20 days and I want to lead it up to school.

Freakin' out a little about tomorrow. Wish me luck and sorry I'm missing on all your comments/posts lately.

2 comments:

Ana's Girl said...

I hope the interview with the agency goes well! That's so exciting. I really want to be a model myself.

Dot said...

That is so wonderful about the modeling interview! I told you that you looked like a model! Wow! That's so awesome I'm just so completely excited for you ; D
"Lose inches off thighs" hahaha! I know exactly how you feel. I've lost inches every but my thighs and chest. Bleh : p
Don't feel more getting behind on the posts ; ) We totally understand.
What is this fat cleanse thing you got? How much is it?
Stay strong tomorrow! I know you can <3

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