Friday, July 3, 2009

Blogging day

I was thinking today, on my way over to the job interview (more on that later), about what I should do to motivate myself more. People always rave about blogging, esp. ana and weight-loss themed ones, but I've never been able to stick to one. I'm doing okay for this one right now, so maybe it'll help. It's better to try than to admit defeat, right? So, I got home and searched out some good blogs and favorited them, or followed them.

It is motivating. For now, anyways.

So, the job interview went okay. It's kind of an admittance to myself of normal-dom. I've spent too long in my honours-class-volunteering-award-winning-bubble. Retail, here I come! That's not entirely true, actually, but they just want references and I get scheduled. Full time summer @ 10+ dollah. I like this. Money and work, it's so perfect.

The general feel of it is nice and fun organized chaos. I haven't ever worked a "real job", so I look forward to it. I'm flip-floping between the disappointment of losing the internship, the fantastic idea of being busy again - on my feet, earning money, away from home and food - and learning something new and being around fashion, and the slight annoyance at the idea of working fulltime through my summer. More positive than negative though.

Blah blah day. No exercise beyong walking to and from the bus stop - my legs felt like lead all day. I'm pretty sure it was from the 1000 cal work out yesterday, which sucks because I'd like to think I could keep that up, but obviously that's not possible yet. But, also, I had a decent amount of food - but stopped eating around 4pm, so thats ok. I tend to binge alone in the morning so I look forward, especially, to the idea of working early morning and not having that oppurtunity.

And now I'm ranting.

Wizard is lending me a "life changing" book. I almost ALMOST snuck out with him tonight. Sigh. I wish... I wish that someone, him or someone else would tell me I am pretty, worth it... that they want to be with me. But its just not gonna happen until... well, not for a while. God damn. It's upsetting to think about, really. I can't even go into it right now. I don't have the energy for it.

It's been a really really long time since I've felt hunger, like, legit hunger. I'm feeling it now. And I'm remembering how much I love it.

Tomorrow I'm going to buy diet pills. Those motivate me too. I need the energy. Time for bed.


Cat said...

Haha, I know how you feel about the "honors-class-award-winning-bubble." It's really nice to get outside of it sometimes.

Even though you didn't work out a lot, it's not like you binged so it's really not that bad.

Stay strong. (:

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