Saturday, July 18, 2009

Party night

I ended up going to the party last night - and I'm very glad I did. I wasn't going to drink, and for the first bit I did well. Then, of course, the hot dogs, marshmallows, chocolate, chips etc were brought out. I thought, okay, I'm losing if I eat and if I don't. Lose-lose situation. In the end, I ate more junk than I should have. I also drank more than I should have. But, this morning, to my dismay I was okay with it (not so ok with this morning's binge, but we're not talking about that).

I haven't been tipsy in a verrry long time. Thankfully, I'm one of those people who get more and more sober/somber the more I drink. Not in a depressive way, just in a control way. It's all good, but in my head I'm buzzing. A feeling I love, but I don't do often.

Anyways, long story short it was a good night.

This morning, as mentioned, a big binge. Gym later, we just bought a new trampoline too (though I'm not sure how many cals that burns, if any) but I look forward to using that. I weighed myself (compulsively) while at the house party last night - how rude is that! - and with a full stomach of junk and alcohol I weighed 140-ish. Hahaha, SO so so so so wrong. I laughed. I feel like a whale, like I'm back to 170.

I'm to the point where I'm done being depressed about it, I have other things to get mad over. I just want to get it done, however means necessary. I need to get back in control and back into the motions of losing weight and succeeding in life.

I'm also sorry to anyone I worried with my last post. It's bad, I know. It's been a long time. But that's no excuse. I'm not proud. But I'm not ashamed either.


Dot said...

I'm glad you had fun at the party! : D
You seem like you've entered a really focussed and in control state of mind and think that's wonderful! I'm sure the weight will fall off now and then you'll never have to worry about it again!
Stay strong <3

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