Saturday, August 1, 2009

Masquerade


First, my apologies to my new followers - hello, you rock. 14, wow.

Well, welcome, and here's looking at me - a total and utter failure. I can't even...imagine the number of calories I consumed last night. I can't even... muster the enthusiasm to think about the modeling interview when I get back, they're just going to laugh and turn me away... McDonalds is two doors down!

I had compulsively over-eaten before dinner, then had so much food (stayed away from buns/burgers though... not even a small victory) and dessert. Before 6pm I had a mask on. Something to hide the hate, something glossy over the fake smile while one hand pinched the fat and another shoveled food in. By the end of the night, I even considered tried to purge in my grandmothers home. How pathetic is that? I am so disgusted with myself right now.

Excuse my french but fuck fuck fuckity fuck. I've undone all my work. Weak, worthless fuck.

Now it's time for a the traditional family brunch - eggs, pancakes, french toast, hashbrowns and traditionally, cake. I'm cringing. I can't stand it.

But watch me eat it.

Fuck "self-medicating".
Fuck trying to be happy.
Fuck excusing it.

I've failed.

2 comments:

Ana's Girl said...

Aww. I feel your pain. (Check out my blog; i did the same effing thing.) It sucks so much. I'm sorry you had such a bad time of it. But it WILL be better soon; i promise.

On a random, posative note, i love the fishy app! I just sat here and played with them for like 20 minutes. What? I'm not easily amused. Haha.

Dot said...

: (((( Travelling is always stressful, especially being around family and out of your normal zone. I know I always fail around my family, so don't beat yourself up too much over it <333
I love your dress in the pic though! I'm quite jealous of your arms too
; )

yes.....I think I will push L off the balcony :D hahaha!

Stay strong <3

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