Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Stab, Stab and...wait for it... STAB

Don't worry, it's not real brains + blood. ;P ...though bashing my head against a nice, white, solid fence does seem like perfectly suitable way to spend my time right now. The weekend swung between being rough and being fun, being disappointing and hopeful. My head hurts from thinking about it. I kept up with exercising + studying but, obviously, the posting + picture taking (the part I am most enjoying) failed.

This is due to what I call the TRIPLE THREAT. That is I somehow managed to land three diplomas - Biology, English B and Social B - one after another. Bio went alright - it was one of those tests that was almost TOO easy. I felt like I was missing something crucial because the questions were ridiculously simple. Not that I'm complaining about an easy test, just watch me get like 70% on it though.

English was today and... ugh. The worst part about English multiple choice exams is that it's completely subjective. Usually you can narrow it down to two answers, and after that it is a crap shot. This test... 85% of the questions were ones you could MAYBE narrow down to three answers. The wording was often off, and, personally, I could not follow the trend in the questions and how it related to the texts... just blah. On top of it being a generally confusing and vague test, the texts were rather boring so I started skimming / sleeping. Bad combo.

I felt terrible about it. Mostly because I felt as though my AP training should have prepared me for it and that I was, inherently, disappointing my teacher. Grrr. Anyways. That sucks, but I know my written portion was decent so I could be able to hold onto a high 80s grade. Social is tomorrow and I'm hoping it will be OK. Social is usually OK.
/school rant.

I'm doing alright. The binging has scaled down to "normal" calorie content, but it's still all at once or at two intervals in the day. I know it's bad. I have optimism for the new semester - well, I do tonight at least - so hopefully it'll work out. Sounds crazy, but I'm considering marching on over to... well... to somewhere to deal with it. With the sleep issues, with stress, with anxiety. I want to find ways to help those. I just don't want THIS, this selfish obsession, found out. Eh. Maybe not. Eventually it'll boil down to - "You didn't seem to have that bad a day today, why are you freaking out!?" And the only answer I will have is "I ate too much, or I realised how fat I was, or someone called me _______." Bleh.

Aggravatingly, my weight has still not changed. After 4-ish days of caloric, belly-busting binging, I am still 140. Why can't my metabolism burn 3000 calories/day when I am fasting or even eating normally? Ugh. I am not complaining about the immovable plateau, it's just I'm sure that if my body responded by gaining 10ilbs, I would stop binging. But it hasn't, so someone in there says "just keep going!"

Hope everything is going ok for everyone. I'll catch up with blogs either tomorrow or Thursday I promise :)


Anonymous said...

I love readding, and thanks for your artical.........................................

Ana's Girl said...

I'm going through the same thing food-wise. I eat "normal" calorie amounts but all in one setting, and then my weight just stays the same so i keep going. It's the most annoying thing. Hang in there, sweetie.

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