Friday, January 22, 2010


I am selfish. Everything I think, all I react to, all I expect... everything is about me me me. This whole blog is exhibit freakin' A. God. I wouldn't let myself sleep last night until I planned out my day to the 15minute mark. I wouldn't. When the bus was late, I blamed myself - when my bank card expired and I had to give up on a purchase at the mall - it was my fault, my karma. When I came home and binged, then stopped for a few hours, then binged again... it was all to avoid things I couldn't deal with. When I sat down with my mother and she started crying and blaming herself for my callousness, for the fact that I've never had a boyfriend, that I'm so hard on myself, that I have bad self-image, that I hate my dad, all I could think was - NO it's not YOU it's Me.

I'm so done with myself.

Probably consumed over 3000 calories today. Didn't study at all. No music. Nothing besides 1hr of walking.

I hate myself for no goddamn reason other than I am obsessed with myself and I have to find something to critisize because I am a selfish bitch. WHY DO I CARE?

I'm not a pity case. I'm not someone who should recieve support... I'm here, begging for attention, because without it I die. Because I can't get it anywhere else. Me me me. Just burn me down. Like a beetle-infested tree that, despite it's contagious disease, wants to live. Burn.


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