Thursday, August 27, 2009

Last First Day

Today didn't go well, but I think it was my own fault - I was entirely cynical all day, nervous and fatigued from lack of sleep. Excuses, blah blah. So, short story - as I am exhausted and have to get up at an absolutely unholy hour tomorrow.

-All my teachers, and the new principal and curriculum leader rock!
-Play director didn't convince me to stage manage (I rejected him via facebook). He's really good at the "I'm sure you'll make the right choice" speech that basically means "do what I want you to do or else I'll be disappointed". I cave easily to that. And the man is in a wheelchair. I can only say no via online =P. That sounds really creepy.
-I went for an 18minute run first thing this morning. That's 3minutes more than I was able to do last time!... Hey, small goals. I also rode to school and back.
-Got my shift covered for a Saturday volunteer meeting with the Olympic crew.
-Ate about as much calories as a normal person, and didn't binge.

-Don't know anyone in 3/4 of my classes. It's grade 12 and no one is looking to make friends.
- I was alone... all day.
-I got a suicide/cutting/coping speech from a teacher today. Somehow a compliment on how I am connected with people and truly seem intuitive about other's turned into a warning about people who are "hurting" and how I should alert someone. Oh lovely. Now, I'm paranoid because it was either genuine or one of those teacher moves where they know something and are trying to weasel it out of you.
- Mom's out of her anti-depressants. All hell brakes lose on the first day, lovely.
- My Portfolio teacher doesn't know how to teach, and this is the only year I'll actually need her help.
-I ate in weird fluctuations today, notably when I was nervous - like I brought a 150cal protien bar for lunch and had to eat it during Portfolio while I was stressing about university/scholarships and the fact that the guys in the corner were making fun of me, and that I knew no one.
-I have posters to finish, and my program is dead. I can't use the school's Photoshop this year, because I finished the Multimedia course.

Hoping on a better day tomorrow. I came home and organized a little, made up some binders and sectioned things out. It calmed me down and got me a little bit more excited about school. I just want to get down to work! I don't have anything to do and it's killing me!

Tomorrow, I have school, then I work later on - so I'll be able to go home, change, then ride to work -, then have a party to go to. I really want to fast tomorrow, and I'm gonna see if I can. I'll be arriving at the party late-ish, so food may be over... but food's never over at parties, who am I kidding! I think I'll try still. Surely I can make it.

Projects for this weekend: Finish getting all school supplies, print out thinspo for locker (buy magnets), make ed-bracelet (does someone know the colours for these? I'm sure I could google it, but you ladies are just so smart!), go shopping for bag or DIY one, photowalk.

(P.s, photo is by 'zemotion. I love her photography.)


Rena said...

Good job on the running! I love Zemotion too. Been following her on deviantart for a while. Sorry about the lack of friends in classes. I'm sure you'll make some soon though!

Stay strong!

Ana's Girl said...

ED bracelet colors:
Red for anorexia, pink for EDNOS, green for fast, and purple for bulimia. I'm pretty sure those are all right. If not, you can do something horrible to me. Loll.

I'm sure you can make it through a fast even with the party; you're just that strong!

Fleur said...

Hey.. seriously sucks not knowing anybody.. it's like that in most of my lectures and it's not fun. i hope things get better... much love..

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