Tuesday, December 29, 2009


First of all - Dot thanks for your comment :) Really, I've been missing getting responses from you guys; I know everyone is busy because of Christmas so whatever!

Today was an awful day for eating. I got up and just binged and binged. I now realize why these past few days have been so intense - it's that time of the month. I'm also using that excuse to justify my recent 2ilb weight gain (even though it's really from the holiday binging). So, yeah. I dug a little hovel on the couch, then in my bed, and watched wasted time on YouTube and Facebook.

Then, I got a text from a friend, Katty. She is dating one of my old friends, so through drama and general similarities of personality (on a deeper level than academics and interpersonal) we've grown close. She's the first person I've ever truly explained my family situation to. She's really the only person who knows how much pain people in Elementary and Jr. High school caused me and how it effects me still. She calls me if her mothers is being abusive; both of us have issues with religion.

ANYWAYS, long story short, I basically hinted that I was going crazy and we went out for dinner and dessert (which was the cherry on top of a binge day - ugh). We chatted about nothing, went to her house and chatted more about deepish stuff then we she drove me home I'm pretty sure I told her I went through a border-line eating disorder and that I am struggling with it still, along with depression. We also talked about suicide.


Now, I feel much lighter. Imagine that. I'm kind of worried, but also not. I trust her - she's not going to tell anyone and I know that. But she's also someone I see every day... multiple times a day. She will be someone who will ask if I'm eating and she will now be looking for signs of shit going down. And that's slightly... I don't know what I think yet. It's either a relief or a fear-inducing recipe for disaster.

I'm sure it will turn out to be both.


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