excuses

Good god.

Advert your eyes... these are some recent-ish photos. No semi-nudes until I hit the gym a few more times. The sweater dress and cardigan needed my mother's approval, so that is why I took the pictures haha

Today has been a roller coaster of insanity... I was doing so well. I woke up and was 138 - with clothes on. I was so motivated. hell yes, I was going to go to the gym. I was going to go without lunch all the way until after read through.

But then I wrote my Bio final... then my Social final... I haven't let myself feel anything about them outwardly, but I'm pretty sure I fucked up bad. I guess a lot. A lot.

Last night I spent 3hrs casting the musical, so I took the brunt of the drama and had to do a lot of damage control. People needed me, I was happy. It's pathetic, blah blah blah, we know. So, then, I went and got lunch...400cals worth of lunch.

No worries! I told myself, that and breakfast will be all I eat today! And I made it almost all night.

But then I went to Staples to pick up some prints for a project. The girl was bitch and made me pay 3$ extra to have them done tonight instead of at 7am tomorrow - and I had to wait an hour. Then, for some reason - maybe I'm so tired I can't think or maybe I am bottling my emotions so completely that I didn't realize I was angry - I walked over to a coffee shop to buy my favorite indulgence: a London Fog.

Before I knew it, I had my London Fog and massive slice of carrot cake. I ate it, I read the paper, I read the edits on my latest essay (an A!!), I picked up my prints, I went home and then I realized what happened. Fuck. Fuck. fuck. FUCK. (sorry)

I am going to a party tomorrow. There is going to be a hot tub and there is going to be alcohol. I wanted more than anything to be able to at least wear a tank top instead of a tshirt over my bathing suit... Hell, at this point, I don't even know if I will venture there.

UGH.