Relief

I have been avoiding this blog (it doesn't seem like it, but I have) because I've been a very, very naughty girl. If I get away from the kitchen, or from the stores or coffee shops, for a few hours - it is a god send.

I'm pretty ashamed, and I can't even imagine what it is going to be like once christmas shit actually starts rolling around. I feel myself slipping back into the darkness of constant, hypocritical, unproductive perfectionism. At work today it was all I could do to not stare at customers' skinny legs or flat stomachs or tiny waists - so I went to Burger King. It's stupid, stupid, stupid. I'm having a half-fast, uber controlled day tomorrow. It's planned out to the 15minute mark. Parents are not home, so nothing can screw me up.

And -if something does - I have a plan B, C, and D.

On another note, I got my acceptance letter to my back-up university. I got is a few days ago, and I didn't tell anyone. I don't know why, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to bring it up. Am I scared of how close it is? Am I worried about the commitment I need to make? Do I refuse to recognize it because I don't want to?

I don't know.

But, for some reason, I came home from work today and brought it up to my parents - acting like I just got it today. And... it was a weight off my shoulders. I AM going to university. I AM. I don't have to worry about not getting in or not having the grades or the money - I am going.

So, why did I hide it for 5 days?

Happy Christmas everyone, enjoy what you can. :)

P.S Holding at 140. As per usual.