Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Content = happy?

You know those days when you just wake up... and you say to yourself: It's going to be OK.

That was me today. Yesterday was bad. I cried myself to sleep - literally. It seems to be that I need that literal emotional release, whether it be crying, cutting or starving, in order to wake up OK. I find it mildly sad (and interesting) that my waking up OK, my being OK, my looking forward to the day was defined in my own mind as happiness. Oh, wow, today I'm not depressed. I must be happy!

Why can't I live in the grey with this? I swear, this depressed vs angry vs OK/happy spectrum is not a spectrum at all! It's either or... or a combination of the first two. Every other aspect of my emotion, my expression, my issues and my philosophy is based on compromise and grey. Why can't I have a difference between OK and Content and Happy and Joyous and Ecstatic?

I have little to say on this blog tonight. My weight feels like it's going down, but it's not... probably an effect of my mood swing. I have a rant going for tomorrow, so stay tuned... yeah. I've had this playing on repeat all day. It must be noted, I listen to the Glee version. It's the best :) It summarizes my mood today.

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always


Anonymous said...

lean on me! i use to love that song!

Ana's Girl said...

Well, OK, is certainly better than depressed. I do wish you could find some serious happiness though. Keep looking for it, beautiful.

Anonymous said...

I' so happy that you don't necessarily have to resort to cutting to let your feelings out. Crying is hard and often exhausting, but it's way better than ... you know.

I can't seem to get happy either these days. It's like you said; I'm either sad, angry or indifferent. Happiness is a rare visitor. I recommend you do something nice for yourself today (or tomorrow or just soon), like painting your nails. That made me feel better a couple of days ago. It's nothing big, but it made me feel really good to take just ten minutes to do something that was for myself and didn't involve food or exercise.

I'm sending you virtual hugs.

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