Wednesday, September 2, 2009

A bad night

Having a bad night if you haven't noticed... no school tomorrow, which is why I'm up so late. I'm scared to fast tomorrow. What if I fail? Or someone notices? Then again who am I kidding - no one ever does.

One of my essays is about the role self-respect plays in an individuals response to injustice. I'm having such an issue with it. Everyone else is speeding through, and I'm stuck. I think it's because I'm in the no-to-little self-respect category... it's so circumstantial, but often when an injustice is made against me... someone making fun or whatever... I don't react, I deserve it. Everyone else can write from a neutral perspective (or seems to be able to) and I can't... I honestly can't remember the last time that I thought - Snap out of it, you don't deserve this shit. It's frustrating.

The next one is a creation of your own society. I'm having issues here too because I want so much, and I get so involved in details. Basically, my society is post-environmental-collapse, when 2/3 of the worlds population died off. This technology was invented to essentially make humans completely sustainable - a way to create energy within humans, to recharge, feed, and heal, by the sun. The government is focused on rebuilding the species in a sustainable manner, while still promoting happiness and individualism that helps the collective. But... that's nothing. There are so many other details... and I can't step back and see the big picture or how to tackle it in a format of presentation (short story, article, speech...).

I have all these ideas. I just can't sort them out. I need to focus more than anything. My day at the library is tomorrow - and if I finish my essay (rough) and society thing (complete) and study for bio, I'll go to the gym for however long. I am working and walking (40mins) tomorrow on the fast anyways though. I wish I could fast through Friday too - I might try. My plan for next week includes no lunch (this is hard because of the spare!) and breakfast every second day. Gym too - it helps me in school.

Maybe I'll start off with half-an-hour of light cardio with my bio textbook to get the blood flowing, then study and work until I'm done, then really work out. Means I have to be organized to go earlier... but that's ok. Sounds good.

OK. Now I feel better.


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