Friday, September 25, 2009


I think I forgot to mention that my parents are (did, at this point) dragging my fat ass across the country to throw a "surprise" 70th birthday for my grandfather. That's all fine and dandy, but honestly, he was visiting us for a week three days ago and we had a birthday dinner for him. Do I really need to take a day off school, fly 10 hours (both ways) to throw a party, feel like shit around all my thin cousins, and skimp on school work? No. They don't understand: 1) how much work I have to do, 2) how long it takes, 3) that I can't do it around other people- THEY DON'T HAVE A LIBRARY IN THIS FREAKING TOWN. , 4) how vital it is to my sanity.

So, I'm pissed that all this week I'm going to be up until the wee hours trying to catch up which means increased appitite, depression, lack of concentrations, and the persistance of this idiotic cold. Ugh. My dad asked me this morning (well, yesterday night) at the airport why I was so annoyed at life and all I could say was, "This." Thank god I didn't have to sit with him. I can't even look at him right now.

It's after dinner now and I feel like I ate too much, so I did, which is fail. It's a weekend of dinners and parties, so depending on how my mood persists I may or may not have the care to restrict. I am feeling the need coming back though, and stronger than ever. So, hopefully this week will be better. I gained 3 ilbs - at 145 now, abnd I need it gone.

I'll try and post more this weekend, but with all the running around and whatnot I don't know how much time I'll have, or how much I'll want to admit all the shit I ate or all the work I didn't do.

Its hard to be around family in this mind set. You laugh, joke, drink and eat, you talk about school, and clubs, and friends. All the while, all you're thinking is: They don't know me. I hope they never will.

I'm on Grandma's computer. Gotta delete history ;)


Fleur said...

Awww thats really horrible, i'd be freaking out if i were in your position! i hope you manage to keep updating, you don't have to feel guilty telling us anything!

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