Sunday, September 6, 2009

Hear Me

Today, I my mood really lifted at work. I helped out a customer (we're talking 30mins sorting through purses) and got an entry for Employee of the Month. I was assigned my first project by my favorite manager - putting out a new tie display in men's. I arranged everything by brand, color and size (she didn't tell me to do) and she was so happy with me she didn't make me go on cash once! The new guy at work kept starting conversations with me whenever we were in the same vicinity... I was working in Home/Bath today, which is so much more relaxing. I couldn't figure out why for the longest time, but now I have - it's because I'm away from clothes and people trying them on. I don't have to take the size 00 jeans from people, or hang the XS dresses, or put away the 200$ designer bags. It was just a really good day at work.

Then, I came home and found out I was "forgotten" to another 18th birthday, and was very annoyed, so I started looking at clothing websites, half for thinspo, half for actual things I wish I could wear. Pasta for dinner. Ice cream for dessert. Lovely.

I really want this week to get back on track. It's Labor Day, NOW it's back to school for real - none of this 2-weeks early shit. I'm going to try and fast tomorrow, but I'm going shopping with the two people who know about my eating issues so depending on when we go they may force me... I'm also getting my braces tightened, so if I have to take some Ibuprofen I'll have to eat a little something. Otherwise, I'm determined to eat as little as possible, then Tuesday I work right after school until bedtime, and have a meeting at lunch, then plans for my spare so I can legit fast. Wednesday/Thursday my goals are simply to avoid the emotional binging.

Friday is read-through with the cast, so I have to look decent. Saturday I might fast, but it'll depend on night plans.

I am determined to finish my social essay tonight, then get up and so my English essay... I have my room to clean too though, and exercise to do. I just want to get it done. Damn sleep. I also want to go on a photowalk @ dusk. And study bio. Jesus, I'm behind. Maybe Wednesday I'll plan to hit the gym w/ bio textbook in hand...

I'm up in the weight department again, and I can feel it. I've lost a lot of my muscle over the summer, I can see it. I'm still 143, but I look bigger and I jiggle more. Now, I just need to find time to hit the gym, or a good training video, or sacrifice sleep and run in the mornings. The upside to being fat? Boobs. That's so pathetic. But, seriously, ever since I started gaining weight again, I've actually grown a little -I actually fill my A-cups now. Haha. So not funny. OK. For someone who's never actually filled an A-cup before, this is exciting. A lot of the times I think if I had a more proportioned body (i.e boobs to justify the wide hips/shoulders) I would be more OK with my body. But I have the measurements of a stick-model up to my waist, then the measurements of a pear-shaped women below the waist. Which is the easiest to fix?

Halloween is coming up too. I am determined to have a real high-school halloween. Parting and a hot costume. I'm thinking Harem girl/Scary Spice/Masquerade dancer/Rizzo/20s Flapper girl/Mobster. Anything more original, ladies?

Night night <3

2 comments:

Cally C. said...

So excited for a fasting partner!
And I too am trying to figure out a hot halloween costume!

Ana's Girl said...

I'm so glad you had a good day at work... Sorry about after work though. That's crappy. I hate it when people just leave me out of things, and it usually makes me binge on bad food too. :/ And i hate how i told people about my food issues early on in my EDness. Like how stupid could i be? Now those people always make sure i eat, and i sometimes avoid hanging out with them just because of that. It's so annoying when you just have people shoving food in your face and they won't back off or understand that you've had too much food already.

I hope you can get caught up on everything soon. Stress is the ultimate weight-gain causer, so do your best to just relax a bit.

I live for Halloween. I can't decide whether to be a corpse bride, a sexy vampire, a dark fairy, or the circus clown i posted about last night. Aaaah! Decisions....

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