Absolutes can not exist

My morning indulgences didn't help, nor did carrying the blade around all day close to my heart - I mean that literally, I stuck it in my bra. The day got progressively more and more... well, honestly neutral. I wouldn't allow myself to get stressed, I released it all. I also wouldn't allow myself to be without the fixation on perfection, on the future, or on food.

Biology was good because I read ahead and understood what was going on. Social studies was beyond productive, which made me extremely happy and optimistic - optimistic enough to buy a blueberry scone for lunch. Wonderful /sarcasm. At lunch, I bounced around chatting with an outcast, a gay guy, and a special-ed kid. During my spare, I couldn't focus on anything besides facebook and started to get scared. English was composed of moderately productive banter and copy/pasting from websites.

Ran home, avoided, then gave in to, the urge to eat.

Spent the evening staring at my massive school-related to-do-list, dreaming about my substantial weight-loss + fitness goals (btw, I'm at 142 still), and wishing for someone to tell me what to do about my life.

And now, I'm frustrated and realizing the time I wasted despite all the stress and annoyance with my work. It is at this point I realise it would all be okay if I didn't come home and binge, or if I didn't buy that stupid scone. At least I would have my body-sanity. At least I would be getting better at something.

But no. I screw it up for myself. I need to get back on track so badly.

Blah blah blah, it's all been posted before. I just wish I could move away from the grey area. Even dark-grey would be nice.