Monday, October 19, 2009

Touch 'n feel

Hey guys. Lots to catch up on. I can't excuse my failure to post. My only excuse is my new picture store from a recent photowalk :) Enjoy!

So, firstly, on Sunday I was supposed to meet Ata (cute boy) for coffee. He didn't show. At first, I was hurt, then I didn't care. Story of my life, right? Then, I, somehow, mustered the logic to think and realise he isn't the kind of person to just ditch - he's never late for work, nor does he leave early or take extra long breaks. Turns out his parents thought he had H1N1 so he was in a clinic all day. He's fine, but he didn't have his phone. So, there is still promise there - maybe. I'm trying not to hang to many hopes on it because it's so unknown and I'm so easily crushed.

I've started restricting again - both without noticing and purposefully. I'm down to just under 140 me thinks, which is good, but I feel really fat still because I've been sedentary for months. I'd even be ok gaining a few if it meant losing a few inches off the thighs and tummy (which it will). I am gonna go to the gym tomorrow, and hopefully Thursday, Sat, and Sun. We'll see, but I'm really feeling the need to look good.

I'm pretty sure the kick has to do with the fact that I am actually fat now. It isn't just delusions or obsessions or imperfections - I am fatty. It helps - as crazy as it sounds. You can say you're on a diet and people don't look twice. It's a relief.

Not doing any better on the homework/getting things done front. Pulled an all nighter last night to finish an assignment, and I'm suspecting I will lie to my teacher tomorrow and do an assignment during my spare even though it's due in class. Oh well. I'm not proud, but it doesn't raise my heart rate to lie. Which is pathetic, I know.

One of the pros of my day: I went in to paint sets for the first time all year. I'd forgotten how much I missed my fellow theatre geeks and their crazy attitude and carelessness. Needless to say, I came home contently covered in black paint!

I promise I'll have something more interesting to talk about tomorrow. For now, stay strong all <3


fleur said...

Yay for the catch up :) i find working out always feels better than just starving... somehow its less passive and endorphins are pretty awesome too :)

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Header Image by Colorpiano Illustration