Friday, October 23, 2009

Find Me Somebody to Love

Hey all :) Firstly, I haven't thanked my commenters and readers in ever. We all know how much comments/followers mean. You guys help me out so much. <3

The day went OK overall. I got my interm report card, average is 87. I was disappointed, but I feel myself picking up speed in school so I'm hoping that's a low estimate. Throughout the day I went through the usual rollercoaster of hate vs ____(whatever this is), frustration vs calmness, happy and depressed.

I kept intake under 1,300 - which is good in general, but not so good in that I wanted to keep it under 500 and I packed 300 worth of food for the day. I can't even really explain why I bought more food, or why I came home and had leftovers even after I spent my entire shift beating myself up for buying 3timbits and a 70-cal soup. Part of it, I think, was that half way through the day (only 50cals of pomegranate , YUM) I was walking up the stairs to grab a notebook and I nearly passed out.

How pathetic is that? One day of deficiency, exercise and will-power and my body revolts. My vision blurred, my legs seized, my heart was pounding. Ugh. I was so disgusted by that. But, at the same time, I knew I had so-so many hours left to my day - so I ate my "lunch" to up the blood sugar a bit. There, I think, is where I lost it.

Tomorrow I work 8hrs, then I was supposed to go to a birthday party. The party would constitute a night of rollerblading, pizza, cheesecake and the birthday girl's favorite - creampuffs. I had every intention to go. Before I knew it, I had texted her and said I couldn't come due to homework and the fact that I work all weekend. This is all true, but... socialize vs, well, gym and library? Right now... I'm choosing the gym.

Yesterday I ran .5miles (after 35mins on elliptical). Ok, wow, right? /sarcasm. Most of you can go for like 10miles. I can not... YET. I want to, by Christmas, be able to run 5miles. I have big plans for cleaning, studying, working out, restricting and permitting all weekend. Next weekend is halloween (two parties!) and more work, so this is a weekend to myself.

Speaking of which, any genius not-to-tight-but-hot halloween costume ideas?

{p.s I'm reading Wintergirls right now. I was, a few months ago, 84th on the holds list for the entire city. The 84th person identifying with this book. makes me feel less alone. I'm going to write a little support sticky when I send it back to the library. It's a thinspo book - we know where it's going ;) }


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