Saturday, February 13, 2010

Surprise, Surprise


Dot and Ana's Girl... like seriously, what would I do without you guys :) [also, pic sans makeup. deal with it]

I just got home from my best girl-friend's (the one whom I told kinda sorta about this and my general issues with my body etc) 18th birthday party. Now, I knew that the night would involve snacks, pizza, lots of high-calorie alcoholic drinks and cake. I excused the night because I didn't want to be a downah for my friend etc etc, so THAT doesn't matter.

It was fun overall. I had an amazingly fun night (despite the guy who tossed his cookies whilst proclaiming is sobriety). The bad? My friend was trying to hook me up with her random friend Eric who was delicious. Yeah. He ended up making out with the same girl Z. is in love with.

Ouch.

(I'm getting over him, but still... story of my life). And by the end of the night, the 5 remaining people were two couples and me. Again, story of my life. So, that along with a belly full of shit and, admittedly, an extremely inebriated me was a recipe for sadface.

Yeah, I was so wasted. Love it. Good thing about that was pretty early on I reached the about-to-vomit point so I didn't eat anything until breakfast this morning (a reasonable portion of oatmeal). And, no hangover so yay.

Another of my friends encountered heartbreak last night, so I have work for a few hours then damage control. I remember thinking last night, even while I was drunk, that I wanted to make it through the next three days sans binging. So, that's my goal for now and we'll go from there. My next step in figuring out this next semester is trying to incorporate the gym into my schedule.

Also, no drowning my sorrows in chocolate tomorrow. As a perpetual single-lady, I hate Valentines Day. Thanks, Hallmark. Yes, I know I'm single. No, I don't have a date. Thank you.

Hope everyone is doing well... and if you DO have a significant other, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY. If you're not cynical like me... I guess enjoy the day too ;P

[Edit: Fmylife. I just had the worst effing night at work in my entire life. I didn't binge, though I ate more that I should have. I'd almost made it through the day under 1000. Makes me wonder if I really freaking tried, if I wasn't such a lameass, then I could get skinny again. Then I could feel... better about myself again. Damn it, what is stopping me? Ugh. UGH. Why why why did everything just have to explode. Tomorrow is going to hurt all day - Valentines Event at work. So dumb. Why do I put everything on MEN. Men are dumbasses, dicks. Why must everything rely on how they, how my friends, how my coworkers see me. Why can't I see me and fucking live with myself regardless of how pathetic my reflection is? Yet, even though I can't live with my reflection, I can't bring myself to change it. Too scared of getting glass in my hand.]

3 comments:

foreignobject said...

I have the same issues with not being able to "love myself". I rely almost completely on the way others perceive me to identify myself. I'm really trying, though, to find things that are _me_ and that I'm OK with ... It's one of the biggest reasons for all my tattoos, you know.

You have such beautiful cheekbones ... I remember you writing about being a model a while back. Will we perchance be able to see those photos at some point? I was really excited for you and I'm still really interested in seeing how it went :)

Lotsa love.

Ana's Girl said...

Even without make-up, you look fantastic. How do you have such a gorgeous complexion?! I'm so very jealous. Lol.
You're doing so great with not binging. I'm proud of you. Maybe you feel like you've eaten too much, but in reality, you've eaten way less than "normal" people need in a day, and any sans-binge day is a huge step in the right direction. Stay strong, my dear. You're really doing great.
I too have the issue of putting too much on men... It's a common mistake, i think. So at least we're not alone in that :/

水晶 said...

希望能常常看到你的更新........................................

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